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Antoinia

I was eighteen and I'd just recently gotten married a little - well way too young. And about two weeks after I got married, I went to a normal doctor's appointment, "You're pregnant!" and I was like "Whoa." You know, and she just ... the doctor was really good about it and my ex-husband was there with me, and we were very excited.

I mean I was already enrolled in college and all this other stuff, just gotten married, only eighteen. I was ready, but I wasn't ready. And, actually I think the beginning of it was the best, but the hardest part was a little bit later on in the pregnancy when my ex-husband just was no longer involved really. He just decided to leave and do his own thing. So, I was, at the end of my pregnancy, alone and terrified. Terrified.

Of course, when there are options out there other than just, having the baby, it goes through your head. I mean, you can't help it. When you're scared and you're alone, those things go through your head. You know, What am I going to do? How am I going to support a baby by myself? I'm only eighteen. I haven?t gone to college yet. I have my GED and so it's, it's very petrifying, Very petrifying! But I have had several friends who've had abortions and they are devastated that they did it and regret it with everything they have in them. And I have one friend now who can't have any more children because of an abortion. So, she had an abortion when she was younger and that's ruined her chances to ever have a family. And it's scary.

So, I just looked at all that when I was sitting alone in my room very pregnant, crying and I said, you know, my baby kicked right then and there and I just said "No way." I just felt that baby move inside me and instant love. Just, it's amazing the bond of a mother, no matter how old you are. Just the instant love once you get over that fear and the realization that, you know what? I can do this. I have to do it, I can do it, you know.

And there are support systems out there. They're hard to find. Look in your phone book. Look under pregnancy. You'll find 'em. You'll find the support systems. In almost every city there's a center, a pregnancy support center. Look it up. Look for it. Find the support that you need because it is out there. They're not going to come knock on your door, but if you do a little bit of research and just looking into it, it'll happen.

And then I gave birth to my son and it was a long labor, not fun. But, I tell you what, the second I looked at my baby, the pain was gone. I didn't feel the labor anymore. That was gone. I just looked at this new child and I was like "Wow!" I couldn't believe it. It was utter amazement. Utter amazement at this life that I looked at. He's now three and he is ... he's a boy all the way. Worms, frogs, you name it, all over, everywhere. I can't keep my house clean.

I mean I'm not going to tell anybody that being a mom isn't hard. It is the hardest job I've ever had in my life. But, you can go into a job and you work, you work, you work, you work, you get your quick end result, and then the next day you gotta go back and you do the same thing all again. Being a mom, it's different. It's constantly changing. You have so many rewards. It's not just a pay check.

There're little triumphs, "Mommy I did it. Yeah, I did it, I went pee pee on the potty. I did it." That little face just blowing up with excitement, and you're like, you're more excited than they are. I mean you're creating life. You may be young. Things may be hard. You may feel like there's not a person in the world who can help you, but there are. You just have to find them. You just have to look for them. Go to a guidance counselor at school. Talk to your guidance counselor. They will have a lot of resources for you. The quick way out is not always the best way out.